As law enforcement officers undergo this climate of cop bashing, losing the support of lawmakers and politicians who cower to the pressure and with agency morale at an unequaled low, it is more important than ever to have family at home who are supportive. But that's not an easy task. A crisis-driven career comes with many challenges on-duty and off—shift work, physical risks, effects of job residue and hypervigilance are just a few. These challenges can be difficult on a marriage and the relationship with our kids.
To balance these difficulties, we have to be intentional in our relationships, not just to fulfill a duty to those we love, but to cultivate a safe place as an officer. When the job constantly takes from you physically, mentally and emotionally, officers must have a place to unwind, rest and be built up again.
We talk a lot about the importance of personal wellness—keeping the body and mind fit so that officers can thrive on duty. Likewise, there are principles for police family wellness—keeping relationships fit so that you can thrive off-duty. As diet, exercise and sleep are to the body, there are three specific ways to keep fit relationally.
The first is to nourish our relationships with consistent and positive communication. Like our bodies need healthy food for fuel, our relationships need fuel, too. Keeping open and positive communication constant, even when you don't feel like it, feeds your intimacy, and keeps you going. Your spouse needs to hear you, your kids need to hear you, and you need to hear them.
The second way is to keep active with flexibility and creativity. Shift work, overtime, and being on call make it difficult to get time with loved ones. There are only so many hours in the day, so thinking outside of what normal looks like for the nine-to-fives is crucial. If you can't make the baseball game—have your family members record some the highlights and later watch it with your player snuggled on the couch. Take your kids to ice cream after bedtime. Go out to breakfast with your spouse once the kids are in school. These are the moments that make life together sweet.
The last way of keeping relationally fit is to rejuvenate and strengthen your family with a healthy support system. When we're down, the tendency is to isolate. We decline and withdraw when we're fatigued or discouraged, but time with those who love and support is the renewal we need. Different perspectives. Laughter. A safe place to vent. Like a power nap, these moments of interaction are invigorating to the soul and a family unit as a whole.
Victoria M. Newman is author of A CHiP on my Shoulder, Selfish Prayer, and A Marriage in Progress – Tactical Support for Law Enforcement Relationships (Summer 2015). She speaks life and possibility into the lives of police families all over the country. Visit her website at www.how2loveyourcop.com.
