• Home
  • About
    • Authors
  • Articles
    • Archives
    • Chaplain
    • Crime & Controversy
    • Community
    • Cop Humor
    • Editorial
    • Op-ed
    • Gear & Technology
    • Investigations
    • Laws & Legal
    • Leadership
    • News
    • Officer Down
    • On Duty
    • Tactics
  • Network
    • Illinois Network
    • Minneapolis Network
    • Tulsa Network
    • Wauwatosa Network
    • Learn more
  • Training
  • Officer Privacy
  • Jobs
  • Contact
No Result
View All Result
Law Officer
Law Officer
No Result
View All Result

Anchors away!

anchors

(Flickr)

August 10, 2021
Dave OberhofferbyDave Oberhoffer
Share and speak up for justice, law & order...

If you are a detective following clues and evidence, or Dorothy following the Yellow Brick Road, or even if you are following breadcrumbs on the forest floor trying to get back to the safety of Grandma’s house, some paths are clear to follow.

As a street cop, in one case, all I had to do was follow the 3-inch-wide groove in the street and list the incidental destruction that it created.

I explain.

As in a lot of cities and towns there is a “Restaurant Row” where chain eateries and others set up shop right next to each other.

Usually, a call to this place in my city was for dine-and-dash frauds, or the occasional DUI inspired auto accident in a parking lot.

This one however involved the theft of a nautical display outside of a well-known seafood restaurant.

In this case a surplus 2,000 lb. U.S. Navy anchor.

It seems that a patron who had been overdoing it on the signature Navy Grog had taken issue with the sizable tab that he and a few of his “cousins” had run up during a “Happy Landing Hour.”

He had taken Liberty with some of the female waitresses also. (Sorry, old Navy inspired pun there.)

In a rum inspired haze, Matey Number One insisted that the two-for-one special meant that two of his bros could drink for the price of only one ersatz sailor.

Ah, no.

And naturally, the restaurant wouldn’t take his check.

They also got a little more than irritated that his credit cards were ALL over the limit. (No surprise there.)

The Seafood manager correctly decided to call the local cops (me) to arbitrate.

Unfortunately, one of the equally inebriated cousins overheard the call to the SFPD Dispatch, and the entire crew decided to abandon ship before the Shore Patrol arrived.

Matey Number One and his buddy, Bosun Mate Last Class Fred drove to their drinking binge in an impressively modified 4-wheel drive semi-monster truck.

Naturally it had a commercial level tow hitch attached so that the Boy Toys they owned could be taken to the local mountains for a weekend of advanced environmental destruction at the hands of their off-road sand rail cars.

Or this hitch could be used to jerk and then drag the restaurants signature Navy Anchor out of the sidewalk display.

Enter the overworked local police sector car.

In addition to listing the financial grievances that the restaurant had, and describing the (alleged) groping of cocktail waitresses, the manager managed to say to me, “They took off THAT way!”

Sherlock Holmes I’m not, but it seemed that the surplus Navy ornament had bounced off the curb, sideswiped a few (fake) palm trees, and then bounced merrily down the street, digging up dinner plate sized chunks of asphalt, while traveling in the general direction of the nearest freeway on ramp.

I was hoping that this would become a California Highway Patrol matter, so I could kiss this entire incident off, but no such luck.

I advised police radio that I was tracking the carnage.

Just before the entrance to Highway 101, the truck with our heroes inside took a high-speed WIDE right turn and managed to swing the anchor on its 10-foot chain tether into several innocently parked cars.

By now the happily bouncing anchor had settled down to its business and was digging a very distinctive linear divot in the street surfaces wherever it followed the escaping Chevy Silverado 4×4.

Every time the truck made a turn, the anchor became almost airborne, and was responsible for more than a few median strip tree beheadings and also crashed into numerous vehicles, resulting in reportable body damage incidents.

(In a moment of cerebral whimsy while trying to catch the truck, I imagined how a parked Honda Prius owner would explain body damage caused by a flying anchor to her insurance agency come the next Monday morning.)

I had run the name on the failed credit card payment through CLETS, NCIC, and the DMV before saddling up, so I had a basic idea of where the truck was going as per its owner’s vehicle registration. I was therefore not surprised at the general direction that this weird pursuit was taking, and even less so when an injury accident was announced in front of the registered owner’s residence on 22nd Ave. at Noriega.

As luck had it, I arrived before the other District cops and Fire Department J-keys did.

What I saw:

The Silverado was semi-buried in the garage door of the Sunset Junior Five home, with the anchor preventing any further progress because it was FIRMLY dug into the edge of the driveway curb outset.

The anchor chain was so tightly strung, that I expected it to hum a musical note when I stuck it with my baton.

There was a classic forehead-into-a windshield depression where an un-seat-belted passenger would wind up after a collision of this sort, and the drivers side airbag was visibly deflating as I approached the truck wreck.

Both former truck occupants were already proned out on the under-watered and wilted front lawn when I called an ambulance for both of them.

The flight (and the fight) was over.

After I took a zillion polaroid photos, I called a city tow truck for the 4×4, and a public works crew to dig out the anchor.

All told, I had over THIRTY auto damage reports to do, at least a dozen city property incidents, and an eleven-page police pursuit report to pen before I could close this debacle out.

I got a free two-for-one dinner pass from the seafood place as a form of gratitude after we returned the anchor so guess I made out okay.

Ahoy Matey

10-7


Note: The author is a 1972 US Navy veteran, which explains (but not excuses) the many Navy oriented puns and jokes.


Share and speak up for justice, law & order...
Tags: anchorDUInavy
Dave Oberhoffer

Dave Oberhoffer

Dave Oberhoffer started a law-enforcement career in 1979, having survived the Vietnam War, and owning an Irish Pub. His San Francisco Police Department assignments were: Walking a foot-beat, numerous sector car assignments, and Vice and Narcotics work. As an Inspector, he was then assigned to the Special Investigations Division for five years. This was followed by work as a Squad Sergeant running a team in the housing projects on Potrero Hill. As a Lieutenant, he ran the Records Division, the Crime Scene Investigation Unit (CSI), and was a Watch Commander in four different districts, retiring at the San Francisco Airport.  After retirement, Dave had a cup-of-coffee as a small-town Chief of Police, and then taught Law Enforcement Studies at several Bay Area Colleges.

Related Posts

LAPD warns officers

LAPD warns officers to not drink and drive after 7 cops recently arrested for DUI

December 22, 2022
drunk drivers

Drunk Drivers Killing Cops

November 18, 2022
Amy Harrington

Florida woman tries unsuccessfully to pass DUI test by dancing Irish jig

August 28, 2022
New Orleans

New Orleans officer arrested for DUI after crashing police unit while on duty

August 3, 2022
CHP Officers

3 CHP officers injured in fiery freeway crash

April 28, 2022
Harris County

Harris County constable deputy killed by suspected drunk driver

April 3, 2022
Load More

Latest Articles

Joseph Watson

Oklahoma airport shooter pleads guilty to 8 counts, receives split life sentence

March 27, 2023
Georgia homeowner

Georgia homeowner fatally shoots burglary suspect breaking into house

March 27, 2023
loose tire

Loose tire launches car airborne on California freeway

March 27, 2023
six young girls killed

Six young girls killed in Tennessee highway crash after car flips, passengers ejected

March 26, 2023
Border Patrol Agents

Border Patrol Agents Doubling as EMTs

March 26, 2023
Florida officer critical

Florida officer critical, suspect dead by suicide, police say

March 26, 2023
Load More

Weekly E-Newsletter

Subscribe—and get the latest news and editorials direct from Law Officer each week!

[newsletter_form type="minimal"]

JOIN THE FIGHT

BE COURAGEOUS

FIND MORE…

Law Officer

© 2021 LawOfficer.com

LawOfficer.com

  • Home
  • About
  • Advertise
  • Privacy Policy
  • Corrections
  • Contact

Speak up for justice, law & order

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • About
    • Authors
  • Articles
    • Archives
    • Chaplain
    • Crime & Controversy
    • Community
    • Cop Humor
    • Editorial
    • Op-ed
    • Gear & Technology
    • Investigations
    • Laws & Legal
    • Leadership
    • News
    • Officer Down
    • On Duty
    • Tactics
  • Network
    • Illinois Network
    • Minneapolis Network
    • Tulsa Network
    • Wauwatosa Network
    • Learn more
  • Training
  • Officer Privacy
  • Jobs
  • Contact

© 2021 LawOfficer.com