Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.
William Saroyan
Are you wholly alive? Are you living life fully, or are there limits on it that keep you from experiencing it as you really should? A pair of strange questions, perhaps, and probably not what you expected when you clicked on this article, but hopefully they have you thinking.
More directly, perhaps, is this question: Are you living a balanced life, one in which work, family, friends, hobbies, etc. are in harmony with, and complementary to, one another? Or are there limits on your life that prevent it from being in balance?
And if there are limits, then ask yourself this; Are they self-imposed? Are they something I have created for myself that now restrict how fully alive I can be? Is there something I am doing, thinking, believing that is negatively impacting the quality of my life? (and if you are now asking yourself, "Oh no! Have I wandered into some kind of tree-hugging, new-age, granola-cruncher site by accident?" Nope, this is all about cops, just take a breath and stay with us a bit!)
The law enforcement life
Law enforcement is far more than a career; it is a lifestyle. It is shift work, unpredictable hours, and even more unpredictable days. It is spending many weekends or holidays at work or on call, missed ballgames and band concerts, canceling plans with friends…again, and eating the cold leftovers of your own missed birthday dinner long after everyone else gave up on you getting home on time for the party. And it is having a job that is fun being the good guy and catching the bad guy, running hot to calls, helping someone out of a mess and feeling their appreciation and that most other people intuitively know they could never do. A law enforcement career is both sacrifice and reward.
The fact is, law enforcement is not so much the profession you have chosen as it is the profession that has chosen you. You can teach its skills to just about anyone but only those specifically wired for the job will ever be able to apply them. Unless someone naturally possesses the gifts necessary to be a cop, the finest training in the world will be for naught when they are finally exposed as a poseur. And if the correct temperament is not already there, the pressure the job places on a life will eventually separate the wheat from the chaff.
So, if law enforcement is a calling to individuals most perfectly suited to its very unique lifestyle, then all those who answer the call should all be able to honestly say, "Yes, I AM wholly alive, and living with all my might. I have all I could possibly want. I am satisfied." And yet we know that is not the case for everyone. We know too many LEOs feel incomplete, unsatisfied, unhappy. We know many are great cops, but the very job at which they excel is causing them to fail at the rest of life. And we know many were once great cops but have essentially turned from the profession that should contributing to a satisfied life.
Building an unbalanced life
The problem is, the very things about law enforcement that can make it so attractive and rewarding that it is a lifestyle and not just a job, that it attracts and retains people possessing certain necessary attributes making them a good fit for the job, that it can be a lot of fun are the very things that lend themselves to building an unbalanced life. Early in many young officers' careers, wholeheartedly throwing themselves into the job is rewarding. They build deep friendships, dive into every call, and are noticed by supervisors for their eager willingness. They are also developing and strengthening an identity I AM A COP that will likely supersede any other identity. Now, if the I AM A COP identity is complementary to any I AM A….(HUSBAND, WIFE, SOFTBALL COACH, FRIEND,BROTHER, SISTER, FISHERMAN, BOWLER, etc.) then the young officer is likely to stay balanced and recognize his or her LEO status is a facet of an overall persona. However, if I AM A COP competes with any other identity it can dominate it to the point of extinction.
Then, when the newness and early excitement of the career wears off, unpredictability has become routine, and the now not-so-young officer is no longer quite as shiny and bright to his supervisors, it is not uncommon for him or her to look at life and realize things are a bit out of balance. Old friends are now former friends. Past romantic partners or spouses are now exes. And the things that were once well-loved pastimes have become what Kevin Gilmartin, Ph.D., in Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement calls the "I Ustas" (I usta go hunting, I usta play the guitar, I usta golf, I usta be married… you get the picture).
By now the officer's life is out of balance. The job, which should have been an ideal match for the officer, and a complement to the other identities that make the whole person, has come to dominate his or her life. The officer is no longer wholly alive but is instead missing out on much of what would make life away from work rewarding.
The dangers of imbalance
The fact is, a career in law enforcement can be physically and emotionally punishing. Various studies might return slightly different statistics that is the nature of research, the absolute definitive answers elude us – but the general consensus when they are viewed as a whole is rather dire. Consider the following:
- The average lifespan of police officers is more than a full decade shorter than that of the general population.
- The divorce rate for LEOs is estimated at 75%, compared to 50% for non-LEOs
Some studies show suicide rates for retired officers to be over three times the national average if the officers left of their own accord. If they were forced to leave the job due to disability or other factors, the rate skyrockets to over 200 times the national average!
All of us have friends and coworkers on the job who have lost balance. Maybe you even see this in yourself. The risks of an unbalanced life are significant, both personally and professionally, and threaten our well-being.
Law enforcement is an honorable profession. It is a dangerous profession, too, but not always in the ways we traditionally think. The law enforcement professional should be devoted to the job, but in order to be fully devoted, he or she must also be devoted to maintaining balance in all aspects of life. Ask yourself the questions at the top of this article to begin a self-examination of your life balance.
