I investigated my first child molesting case in 1989 after becoming a sworn deputy for the Morgan County Sheriff's Department. I was told by a veteran investigator early on if I was going to investigate crimes against children, I should prepare myself for one or more of my suspects to commit suicide. While I listened to what the officer said, I don't think I really heard him until 1991.
I had arrested a man in his early 30s for molesting a young boy. He bonded out of jail on the charge and was working in the city. During that time, he attempted to hire someone to kill the mother of the alleged victim and was arrested and held without bail in another county. He was brought back to our county for a court hearing. After the hearing I was transporting the subject back to the jail when he started begging me not to take him back. He cried and said the other inmates were picking on him and he couldn't take it anymore. I explained as I dropped him off that I had no choice in the matter. I did, however, report his complaint to the jail staff and he was placed on suicide watch. Unfortunately, that was not enough. The next morning I was sent a fax notifying me that my suspect had hanged himself overnight.
In 2003, I charged a 60-year-old man with molesting another young boy. I had a warrant for his arrest and tried to locate him for a couple of days. One morning, I was told by a family member that my suspect was at his residence. I and three other deputies went to his home. His vehicle was there and his door was unlocked. When we couldn't locate him inside the residence, we started checking the perimeter. That's when one of the deputies saw him in the woods. He was sitting on a log, holding a handgun in one hand and a cigarette in the other. As we started toward him, we called out his name and ordered him to put the gun down. He didn't even look up. We separated and continued to close in on him. Over and over we ordered him to drop the weapon, but he didn't. I began to think he was going to try a "suicide by cop" scenario, when he suddenly jumped up from the log he was sitting on, ran a short distance and lay down behind a fallen tree. As the four of us scrambled for cover, the subject sat up, put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. I and one of the other deputies tried to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing we could do.
Headlines across our nation show that it's not uncommon for police officers to face situations like these.
- On September 17, 2001 in Michigan, headlines reported Accused child molester kills stepdaughter and commits suicide.
- On May 27, 2002 in Bridgeport, Connecticut, Accused priest commits suicide.
- On January 27, 2008 in Monroe, Georgia, Suspected child molester commits suicide.
- On February 18, 2009 in Redding, California, Suicide victim faced child molesting charges
- On March 18, 2009 in Oxnard, California, Oxnard man kills himself before child molestation hearing.
In both of my situations, I was confident that I had followed our department SOPs and knew that I was doing a job that needed to be done. However, knowing that I had followed the rules didn't stop me from thinking that my involvement in the lives of these two men had somehow led to their deaths.
Lynn Winstead Mabe, Ph.D., a licensed professional counselor in Colleyville, Texas who specializes in law enforcement counseling, said "Officers often feel guilty, even when it was a 'good shoot' or it was a 'bad guy' involved in incidents such as this; even when they have followed every proper protocol, and every proper procedure. The problem is that especially on a 'good shoot' etc. you have people (especially other law enforcement personnel) saying to you, 'good job', 'way to go' as a means for offering encouragement, and for being supportive, but it should be predicted, and taught in the academy, that sometimes, for whatever reason, being involved with a death of a perpetrator, regardless of the means, can be difficult. It is a totally different experience to walk into a room and find someone that has committed suicide, than to speak to them, tell them to put the gun down and then watch them blow their head off. Yet, these incidents are taught the same way at the academy. Administration is often more concerned that everything was done by the book, and don't consider that their officer may have some issues regarding the incident."
When an officer is faced with a situation like this, Mabe said, "They should talk with someone, anyone, honestly about their feelings. Often the departmental psychologist is the referral source for an officer who might be involved in something that could be bothersome, but usually this is the same person who does the department's fitness-for-duty evaluations. This is not usually someone that the officer will feel comfortable disclosing that he/she may be having a small issue regarding a troubling event. What officers need to understand is that if these incidents are not addressed, they can grow and get bigger. What starts out as truly a small incident/event, if not really dealt with, can truly become a problem. I see officers sometimes that have had what they felt were relatively "small" reactions to something, but six years later, it has become insomnia, bursts of anger, anxiety out on the street, etc. just because it was not dealt with at the time it occurred."
She also said its okay for an officer to talk to their spouse about it if "this person is a true support person of the officer. One of the biggest issues/problems I see in law enforcement relationships (from the police officer's view) is the spouse second-guessing the officer. It is more harmful than most people even realize especially because the spouse is a police officer where everyone second-guesses him or her (supervisors, administration, the public, etc.). The spouse, unknowingly and innocently, jumps on board with the second-guessing, and so much damage can be done to the relationship and to the officer. The home is the one place where second-guessing of actions at work should not take place. Officers often do not want to "contaminate" their one safe/sacred spot which is their home, but it can be very beneficial to share with the spouse if the spouse is truly a trusted and comfortable resource."
Warning signs that an situation may have bothered an officer more than he/she thought it did could range from insomnia, withdrawing from family/friends/social activities, lethargy, anxiety, flashbacks, recurring dreams, multiple different dreams about the event, or repetitive "what if…" scenarios, over and over again.
Realizing that many departments are rural and do not have counselors on staff, Mabe suggests that talking with anyone can be helpful, a trusted co-worker that may have had a similar incident, a friend outside of the department, online police resources, a spouse, a counselor in the community that may not specialize in working with law enforcement but has general counseling training could be helpful. She said, "Also, exercise is very helpful for officers in combating depression, anxiety, insomnia and things such as that. Exercise and the endorphins that come from that can restore a police officer's well-being physically and emotionally and can restore a feeling of power and control to the police officer which can be very helpful in getting past troubling events."
- Accused child molester kills stepdaughter, commits suicide (The Michigan Daily)
- Accused Priest Commits Suicide (Belief.net)
- Oxnard man kills himself before child molestation hearing (Ventura County Star)
