When my daughter was little, I told her something that made her big brown eyes blink wide with confusion.
“I don’t love you because you’re smart,” I said, “even though you are. I don’t love you because you’re beautiful, or because you’re kind, or because you get good grades or do what I ask.”
She looked up at me and asked, “Then why do you love me?”
“I love you because I choose to,” I told her. “And I’ll never stop choosing to.”
That same principle shaped how I tried to lead my FBI SWAT team.
Yes, we had standards. Grueling ones. We didn’t lower the bar for anyone. Operators had to prove they could meet the mark — physically, mentally, tactically — and earn their spot on the team. But that’s not what made the team great.
What held the team together wasn’t performance. It was belonging.
What really makes a great team is the decision to choose each other — and keep choosing each other — even when things get hard.
We like to believe we earn our place. But the best teams go beyond earning. They’re built on trust, commitment, and mutual choice. That’s the difference between a transactional relationship and a covenantal one.
A transactional team says: “Perform, and you’re in. Fail, and you’re out.” When the benefits dry up, the bond breaks.
A covenantal team says: “You’re one of us. You belong here. Even on your worst day.”
That’s how I felt about my team. I didn’t just work alongside them – I chose them. They knew I had their back, and they chose me back.
I’ve brought that same mindset into all parts of my life: my marriage, my church, my family, even the volunteer teams I serve with now. I don’t always get it right. I’ve failed at leadership more than I’d like to admit. But I’ve seen firsthand what happens when people know they’re chosen — not just evaluated.
They rise. They give fully. They dig deep. Not because they’re afraid of being cut loose, but because they want to honor the tribe.
Because they knew they belonged.
So, whether you’re leading a tactical team, a business unit, a group of volunteers, or your own family — remember this:
People don’t need to earn their way into your love, loyalty, or leadership every single day.
Choose them. Let them know it. And don’t stop choosing them.
That’s how great teams are built.
That’s how your tribe thrives.
Jeremy D.O. Rebmann is a retired FBI SWAT Sniper. He is the author of “Send Me: Chronicles of an FBI Sniper.” He can be reached at: www.fbisniper.com
